The Only Constant Is Me

I don’t know a lot. But I’ve learned a few truths about life and love- the kind of things I wish I’d known sooner. The kind you have to live to truly understand. 

I’ve learned that nothing is guaranteed. Life is uncertain. Everything can change- even the things you think are forever. Relationships shift. Love can evolve or disappear. Hearts break. There are always surprises, the unexpected, and the unpredictable.  

The only constant is me. The relationship I have with myself-  

my heart, my soul, my mind, my body 

- is the one I carry through everything. I’m the only one who knows the truth of every experience I’ve lived. The only one who’s always there for me. I’m the only one I can count on not to leave. I’m all I’ve got, and that has to be enough. 

My dad always says that relationships are by invitation. You extend the offer. It’s up to others to accept or decline. You can’t force your way into someone’s life. Begging, manipulating, wishing- none of it makes someone stay if they don’t want to. A relationship only works when both people choose it. 

I’ve learned that to love someone well, you have to do it without expecting anything in return. True love isn’t conditional. If I give my love, you don’t have to earn it or repay it. It’s just there. A gift. I have to be secure enough in myself to know that even if my love isn’t returned, I’ll survive. A lost love might break your heart, but it won’t break you. 

I know that I can survive anything. Like all humans, I’ve lived through trauma, loss, and more desperate nights than I can count... 

...When I lived at boarding school in Africa beginning when I was seven years old, away from my family for weeks at a time. I carried the hollow grief of loneliness deep in my bones for years. 

...When I was 13, adjusting to life in the America after growing up in Africa, I was terrified. I couldn’t even leave the house. The culture shock, the anxiety- I never thought I would feel like myself again.  

...When my twins were born eleven weeks premature, all I felt was dread and terror for months. Would they survive? How badly would their brains and bodies be damaged by their early arrival? How would I manage this unfathomable challenge?  

...When I had four young kids with special needs and no answers, doctors, specialists, school personnel, even some people close to me, didn’t believe me. They didn’t believe my children were sick. I lived in isolation, discredited and dismissed.  

...And when I got divorced, stepping into a life I’d never lived before- all on my own- I had so much to learn. So much healing. So much growth. So many lessons I had to figure out for myself.  

Sometimes I wonder why I keep putting myself out into the world with such a raw, open heart. It’s exhausting to be this vulnerable. During hard times, it would be easier to crawl back into a cocoon of Fear, protected and helpless. But something in me always fights to move forward, push through.

And then I remember, this is just who I am. I’ve lived in Fear and I don’t want to go back. I won't let Fear win. I’ve walked out of that place and I’m still here. Still standing. Still becoming. In the end, all I have is myself. And that’s enough. 

This realization has given me freedom. The freedom to take risks. To go on adventures. To put myself out there and not be paralyzed with Fear about the outcome. To show up, try, fail, learn, and try again. If it works, there is joy. If it doesn’t, there is wisdom. What do I have to lose? 

We only get one life. One wild, beautiful, unpredictable life. I can’t bear to waste a moment of it. I want to squeeze every drop of joy and beauty out of every single second. So I’ll keep working on myself. I’ll keep becoming. I’ll keep showing up authentically in every situation.  

I can’t make people love me, stay, or understand. But I can love freely and ferociously. I can grow. I can thrive. And I can be a safe place for those I care about. 

Love doesn’t cling. It doesn’t control. I can love fiercely, and still let go. I can support someone and still let them breathe. I don’t live in Fear anymore. I’m not afraid of outcomes. I live in the truth: I can survive anything.  

So even when it’s scary, I take the leap. I put myself out there.  

Because I know- I’ve got me. 

And because sometimes, when you do the hard, brave thing, the most breathtakingly beautiful possibilities are born from it.